Happy Mother's Day, Narcissa
by 13BlacKAnGELs
Summary: Narcissa ponders where she went wrong with Draco and is surprised when she is visited by him...and Lucius...post HBP, oneshot, or could be more if popular enough...please R&R lolx!


Happy Mother's Day, Narcissa

_Summary: Narcissa ponders where she went wrong with Draco, and is astonished by a surprise visit from him…and Lucius… _

You've been missing for months now. Ever since that fiasco at the school. You dropped by briefly after Severus told you to Apparate here, but since then, you've been on the run. You haven't written any letters, because it's too dangerous. The owls could be intercepted, by either the Ministry (like they could organise anything now) or worse, the Death-Eaters.

I wouldn't be too worried if it was the Ministry who traced you. You'd get a trial, and be imprisoned in Azkaban. You'd hate it, but at least you'd be safe from the clutches of the Dark Lord. Rather like Lucius is now.

To be honest, at one fearful paranoid moment, I thought the Dark Lord would use me to get back at you. Draco. My only son, only child. You would return in an instant if you thought I was under any threat. You must know the Dark Lord has done nothing. Yet. It's been nearly a year since you failed your task. I knew you couldn't cope with it, I _knew it! _Why couldn't the Dark Lord use _me_ to get back at Lucius, why did he have to target our son? He knows Lucius probably wouldn't give a shit if you were in trouble, so why use you? Why talk Severus into allowing me to be talked into you receiving an early initiation?

I blame Lucius for all this, you know. If the stupid man hadn't got himself caught in the Department of Mysteries, this wouldn't have happened! I'm extremely grateful to Severus, though. For agreeing to make the Unbreakable Vow with me. Bella's expression! It was classic!

Oh, Draco, where are you?

You wouldn't talk to me when you Apparated here that evening. You just gave me a sad, terrified glance and disappeared upstairs. I, of course not knowing what the fuck had just happened, went and followed you. I found you where you normally go when you're distressed-in the attic at the top of the tower. You've always liked that tiny, circular room, ever since you were little. You were playing hide-and-seek with an elf when you came across the door leading to the spiral staircase taking you up here. Your father was furious when the elf tearfully confessed it didn't know where you were. I was also angry-at you for scaring me like that! I didn't know what to think!

While Lucius started shouting and raving at the cowering elf, I did something productive-went and looked for you. I called your name throughout the house, but you never answered. I guess you couldn't hear me from that high up. It had never occurred to me that you'd be higher than the third level where your room was. When you weren't in there, I started crying. I was so scared for you, Draco, because I knew you'd be feeling as lost as I was feeling hopeless, desperately trying to find you.

I'd collapsed on your bed, and started stroking the cushions. Bear in mind you'd been missing for a few hours, because it had taken that long for that bloody elf to admit it'd lost you. But then you came in, and bounded on the bed, and gently said; "What's wrong, Mummy? Don't cry, Mummy, I love you." And like I'd done for you so many times before, you pushed away the hair on my fringe, and wiped the tears away, poking me in the eye a few times while at it. I didn't care, though. What was a red eye compared to knowing you were safe?

Lucius was furious, of course. He hates disobedience, and apparently you running off and hiding and 'scaring your mother like that' falls under that category. I begged for him to stop, that I was all right, but he just ignored me. Even though he was trying to use me as a reason for his anger, he didn't seem to want to hear _my _opinions as to how you should be punished.

And then he started hitting you. He whacked you around the head at least ten times. I was screaming and crying, begging for him to stop. You were crying, too. You were confused. You knew you'd done something wrong, you'd acknowledged that you shouldn't do it again. _You'd_ learnt your lesson. But apparently Lucius hadn't learnt his.

He spat on you before storming out to an ex Death-Eater gathering. I cradled you in my arms like I'd done when you were a baby, tears still running down my face. You hadn't deserved that. What's worst is that this wasn't the first time. I could probably remember every bruise you'd had on your fragile, five-year-old body, even now. He'd scratched you so hard down the leg, it left what looked like a permanent scar; he'd hit you round the head so hard you were now bleeding from it. He'd twisted your arm so far, you'd dislocated your shoulder.

Suddenly, this great surge of fury flowed through me. I was-I was so _pissed_ at him then, if he'd been there, he would have ended up with some pretty serious injuries! I realised that he couldn't treat you like that, no matter _what_ you'd done! I made plans to leave, and took you with me. As it was Friday, I knew I had a lot of time to pack and get away, still leaving us a good hour or two.

"Come on," I whispered in your gently shaking ear. 'We're going to go and visit your aunty-won't that that be fun?"

"Which one?" you asked. "Aunty A or Aunty B?"

"Aunty A," I replied, putting him down. "God knows, Bella's not the right person for this," I muttered under my breath. I hoped Andromeda would take us in, even for a short while. She had to, it was almost obligation to take in your youngest sister when she was on the run from her abusive husband. Regardless of the fact we'd promised to never speak again (to each other, that is).

Ten years ago, Andromeda had shamed our family by marrying a Muggle, Ted Tonks. Our parents were, needless to say, speechless, in an absolutely shocked sort of way. Me, I was devastated. That stupid whore had chosen _my _engagement party to announce that she would be pulling out of her own engagement to our cousin, Regulus, to legally date a Muggle. After that, well, _Andromeda _was the topic of discussion. It was _Andromeda _they'd all gone up to. Not to congratulate, obviously, but still the focus had been taken from me, and it was supposed to me _my _night!

Even when my father gave his speech, it was mostly about how his precious _Andromeda _had let us all down! Mother wouldn't say a word, she was in too much shock. She'd been like that since my engagement to Lucius had been announced, as no-one could truly believe that I, Narcissa Araminta Black, had won the heart of Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, considered one notch below royalty. Hell, if there had been royal families in the wizarding world, he would have been it. Of course now, I was worried everything had been jeopardised. As the party wasn't yet over, Lucius could still pull out of the engagement, as it wasn't 'official' yet. It has to be formally announced by the bride and groom-to-be for it to be 'official'. Up until that point, you could pull out, and the other wouldn't be able to complain.

Lucius just ignored me from that point on. I spent the rest of the party looking for him, but couldn't find him anywhere.

'That's it,' I thought. 'It's over. Thank you, Andromeda, you have now quite literally ruined my life!'

She even had the nerve to come and find me. "Hello, Cissa," she greeted nervously.

"Fuck off," I'd replied forcefully, refusing to look at her.

"Look, Cissa, I _know_ this is hard to accept, but-"

"Oh, it's not your choice of partner I could give a shit about, Andromeda. Although frankly, I think he must have used a hallucinogen potion. I thought you had more sense."

"First of all, he's a Muggle, so he wouldn't know how to brew one, and second, if it doesn't bother you, then, why are you acting all hostile?"

"Why tonight?" was my simple reply. "You've obviously been having this affair for months, so why tonight? Why not Bella's engagement party? Why not her _wedding? _Why do _I _have to be the hostess? Why am _I _the one to sacrifice _my_ evening?"

"Cissa, I'm sorry, you're right, I know that, but-"

"But what?"

"I thought it would soften the blow on them," she admitted sadly. "I knew they'd never accept him sober, so I thought I'd announce it when they were under the influence of elf-made-"

"There was plenty of wine at _Bella's party! _There was more than enough punch at _Bella's _wedding! Fuck, we have a goddamn _cellar _bigger than the Hogwarts dungeons full of alcohol! So don't go giving me the whole 'they needed to be under the influence of elf-made wine' bollocks! You've had plenty of opportunities, all of which had enough wine being served!" I took some heavy breaths, furious at my sister's selfishness.

"Cissa, I told them tonight to let it sink in, before I announced that we would be moving in together-"

"And when would that have been, at my wedding?'

"Of course not. I'd never do that-"

"_You just did!_" I snapped. Andromeda nodded.

"Cissa, when I told them, I just wanted them to know. I didn't think for one second it'd take priority. I thought that-that-oh I don't know. This isn't easy."

"And it is for me? Were you jealous or something?"

"What?"

"Were you just jealous that now _I _was the favourite, _I _the one father was proud of? Did you hate not being that sister so much? Did you hate _me _that _badly!_"

"I don't hate you, Cissa-"

"Then why did you do this? Because if this is an act of sisterly love, Andromeda, I would _hate_ to see you bearing a grudge!" I couldn't listen to her anymore. I stormed off. That wasn't our main argument, of course. I really don't want to relive it, it was painful enough the first time.

I'd had a small premonition, though. On my wedding day, (Lucius had never planned on breaking off the engagement. He'd disappeared to arrange a small surprise for me…) exactly a year later, Andromeda did make an announcement. I'd slowly started to forgive her, and had asked her if she would come. She seemed ecstatic that I'd even _spoken_ to her, so that was one guaranteed invite. Except, it was two. Even though I hadn't asked her to, she'd decided to bring Ted Tonks, that Muggle boyfriend of hers. For the first time in my life, I was so _pissed_ at someone, Andromeda very nearly did end up in hospital. If Lucius (along with the aid of a Death Eater or two) hadn't pulled me off her, she would have been a _very_ critical patient at St Mungo's!

It wasn't that she'd brought someone, or even that it was _him,_ but for the second time in two years, she'd done the thing every bride dreads-messed up those special occasions that I will supposedly cherish forever. Naturally, there was uproar at the _thought _of there being a Muggle in their midst. Fortunately, it being a formal event, and supposedly my day, they were polite enough to not start a brawl against him. Andromeda had anticipated that, the sneaky cow. I could tell, though. It wasn't the joy and disbelief of my marriage that was preying on their minds…

All through the day, I probably didn't smile once. All our wedding photos show Lucius- a tall, handsome man with a sour-faced, miserable bitch next to him. I've tried charming them to smile sometimes, when I've gotten really depressed with them, but the photographer put this shielding charm on them, to prevent tampering of any sort.

For the first time in all my life, I'd had a fight-a _proper_ fight-with my sister. She's normally a damn good martial artist, but today, the Dark Lord would have trembled! I really don't think I'd ever been so _mad_ at someone I've wanted to cause them _real _pain! If I hadn't been pulled off, the Cruciatus would have found it hard to compete! She's lucky I didn't have my wand, or I would have been extremely tempted to send one her way!

"You stupid, fucking _whore!_" I yelled at her, struggling against Lucius's grip.

"What did you call me, you fucking snob!"

"_Snob!_" I cried outraged. "Oh yeah, I don't want my wedding day to be ruined by you bringing this piece of _crap _with you, and I'm a snob!"

"Do _not _talk about my fiancé like that!"

"Your _what!_" I screeched, going limp. Andromeda nodded solemnly, and almost defiantly.

"My fiancé," she repeated. There was a small cry from the crowd. "We're getting married in June. Those who want to come can, but if you can't accept this, then I don't want you in my life." She didn't shout it, or anything, she said calmly and almost monotonously.

"Well, then we don't want you in ours anymore," whispered my mother from behind me sadly. Andromeda gasped.

"Mother?" she said.

"It makes me feel ill to think about it, Andromeda. If you want to marry this man, then go ahead, but it means you'll no longer be regarded as part of this family."

Andromeda left the party in tears, but I didn't care. Personally, I don't think even our loquacious father could have put it any better.

Our mother, Faith Dawn Black, passed away that evening.

Andromeda was invited to the funeral, but she never showed. Too ashamed, everyone reckoned. I didn't. I think she was too ridden with guilt. Postmortems showed that mother was literally being eaten alive by a nasty tumour that had formed an ulcer in her stomach. It had occurred due to stress, approximately one year ago. Right when I'd had my engagement party. Right when Andromeda had told everyone about Ted Tonks. Right on the 1978 Mother's Day. She had died exactly one year later, on the 1979 Mother's Day.

I hadn't been planning to cut my honeymoon short to attend my mother's funeral. Lucius was very understanding, I have to appreciate him for that. I just don't know when it changed. Or what changed. Was it you? He wasn't as tolerant as I'd have expected him to be during the pregnancy. He got impatient when I felt nauseous; he literally screamed at me when I threw up; he blamed me for spoiling our marble tile floor when my waters broke; he wasn't even there for the birth. He only held you for the first time when you were three weeks old. It had taken him two weeks after my discharge to just touch you.

"Are you ready, sweetheart?" I asked you, pacing the hall.

"Where are we going, Mummy?"

"I told you, we're going to see your Aunty A."

"But I've never seen her before."

"Well, it's about time you did. Come on, we need to go!"

We rushed (or more I did) to get down the front path. The Malfoy Manor and grounds were like Hogwarts-you couldn't Apparate or Disapparate in them. You couldn't Apparate, anyway, could you?

"Hold on to my arm, Draco," I instructed.

"What are we doing, Mummy?" you asked fearfully, gripping my arm.

"We're going to Apparate. Now, hold on tight, love, this could be a bit rough."

You threw up when we landed, poor thing. I probably shouldn't have sprung the Apparition thing on you so suddenly, especially while you were still injured, but you know my reasons. Through our sisterly separation, Andromeda had failed to tell me she'd moved. It was now just a family of Muggles, living there, and they didn't even have a contact address for her!

'Even when she's not here, she's still letting me down!' I cursed silently.

"Where does Aunty A live, Mummy?"

"Mummy's not sure right now, sweetheart, but we'll get there," I assured you. I knew of one other, less accurate, form of Apparition. It was when, instead of picturing the place you wanted to go to, you pictured the person you wanted to be by. It had only been six years, Andromeda can't have aged that much.

I Apparated right next to her-literally! She was in the kitchen, actually, cooking. I'm surprised she didn't have a heart attack! She nearly dropped the saucepan on your head!

"Cissa! What the hell-why are you here!" she exclaimed.

"I need help," I begged.

"I don't have any money."

"It's not money I need. Nor Lucius. Please, I just need you to listen-"

"Who's this?" she indicated to you.

"Your nephew. Draco, this is your Aunty A," I smiled, standing behind him, pointing him towards her.

"Don't I even have a name now?"

"'A' is just easier for a child to pronounce," I explained. She nodded.

"I'm surprised you knew where I lived."

"I didn't. Why do you think I ended up next to you instead of outside?"

"I don't know. Couldn't figure out how to use the doorbell?" she said sarcastically. Coldly, even.

"Andromeda-" I began.

"Did you want something, Narcissa? As you know, I have a family to support. One who you've never come to see, I've noticed."

"I didn't know if you'd have me."

"Yet you're here now."

"It's been six years. I thought we could do the whole 'forgive and forget' thing."

"I've had children for six years. You _knew_ I had children. You would have been welcome."

"Even after the funeral?"

"I was pissed, sure, but it was understandable. I would have accepted you back into my life."

"Even if I didn't accept Ted?"

"You just calling him by his first name shows you did. Or do, anyway," Andromeda pointed out.

"I need help," I said again.

"So you said. What's the problem-Knut short of a billion Galleons?"

"I told you, it's not money."

"Well, what, then?"

"Lucius has hurt Draco. I can't be with a man who abuses my son. Or shouts abuse at me."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Just-I know this is forward-but we need somewhere to stay. Please, Andromeda, we-"

"Why should I do that?"

"I'm your sister. I need your help."

"Yeah? Well, _I _needed your support when our dear mother disowned me in front of everyone! I needed your support when the Death Eaters started targeting us for their taunting and shit!"

"I didn't know they'd done that," I admitted.

"What, cos you'd have come rushing to help?"

"I might have done."

"Bollocks to that, no way would you have done."

"May I remind you we have a five-year-old present?"

"Didn't stop you six years ago."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"When you started that fight at your wedding! Called me a fucking whore in front of everyone!" Oh shit! I'd completely forgotten! "You haven't forgotten it's your anniversary?" she laughed.

"I have. I've been a bit pre-occupied with trying to stop my son's head bleeding."

"You're exaggerating, Lucius wouldn't hit his own child."

"Why would I lie about something like this?"

"Cos you've decided you want me back in your life, and can't think of a better way than emotional blackmail!"

"Don't flatter yourself, Andromeda! You might have been the first person I thought of, but you're not _that_ special!"

"Can't help you, Narcissa. Better be on your way."

"You can't turn away an abused child. I'm your youngest sister!"

"You just said I wasn't that special. Ask Bella."

"I can't! Andromeda, please!"

"Door's that way. Unless you want to Apparate?" I stared at her through my tears. She just stared defiantly back.

"Screw you, Andromeda," I muttered. "I don't need your shelter. There wouldn't be enough room! You've really gone downhill. You've lost the plot! Come on, Draco, we're leaving."

"Why?"

"Because I'd forgotten how cruel your Aunty A can be," I said pointedly. She ignored me, and went back to cooking.

I'd lied when I said I didn't need her shelter, when that was exactly what I needed. I didn't know where else to go. I knew father would never support me, Bella was a Death Eater-what protection could she provide? There were our cousins, I suppose, but Regulus was also a Death Eater, and as far as I knew, Sirius was in Azkaban for murdering Peter Pettigrew.

I took you back to the Manor. I'm sorry, love, but I couldn't think of anything else. I knew I'd put you in even more danger, now that Lucius knew what he was capable of. He doesn't do remorse or guilt, he only sees power or weakness. And in you, I'm afraid to say, he saw weakness. He only ever wanted to 'toughen you up'. That was his excuse. Load of bollocks, of course. You were just being made to never trust anyone, to become this-zombie. You wandered about the house wordlessly, only talking when you were spoken to-not even then-and being everything Lucius could have wanted.

I never seemed to matter, not to him, not to you. When you were young, you always used to come to me whenever he'd hurt you. I hated Lucius for what he'd done, but I loved the fact that you sought comfort in _me,_ often a witness to your pain. It made me feel like less of a failure.

I always was, though. A failure. I could never stop him from hurting you. I was either forced to watch physically, or made myself watch it in my head. Psychological damage to me whenever he physically hurt you. Do you think he wanted that? To slowly drive me crazy, so that I would become just like a zombie-I look good on the arm for formal events, and am occasionally wanted for a really good night, but other than that, I was to be silent. I wouldn't put it past him to expect me to be motionless, almost dead unless he needed me.

You were my salvation, Draco. I would have left, or done something drastic had it not been for you. Several times, I was tempted to grab that sharp steak knife lying harmlessly on the table, and just start slashing. But then I'd see you, and I'd put all those thoughts out of my head. I was a bad enough mother as it was-I couldn't leave you to deal with Lucius alone. He'd find a way to blame you for my death, and maybe even be the cause of yours.

Now I think, though, what good was I to you? I never did anything to help you, save you. I was just-there. I just existed. Like a Dementor's Kiss victim. I was useless. I may as well have been dead for all the good I did. Even after Lucius went to Azkaban, I still couldn't protect you from the Dark Lord. All I could do was ensure that your task would be completed by making the Unbreakable Vow with Severus. I wasn't thorough enough, though. I asked him to protect you from harm throughout the task, and if you should fail, to complete it for you. Not _once_ did I mention the aftermath. What should happen when the Dark Lord discovered that it wasn't you who'd killed Dumbledore.

I should have known that snide Severus would have taken credit. Why should _he_ care that you would most likely be murdered once they caught up with you? Oh, Draco, how could I have let this happen? I should have run years ago. I should have stopped you from being forced to grow up in this hostile environment. I'm sorry, Draco, I'm so sorry-for-bringing this on you. Maybe I would be better off dead. You would be, too if I was dead, I know you will. Without me to worry about, that'd be a great weight off your chest. I'm all right, but you don't know that. If you even care. Do you?

I'm here, in your favourite place, the tower attic. You always did like it here, Draco. I think it would be good to die here. Somewhere you loved, somewhere you felt safe. _I _feel safe. I have the knife with me, the one I've been so tempted to use for so long.

I love you, Draco, and I'm so sorry for raising you in this place.

I bring the knife to my wrist. I allow the blade to penetrate my skin deep enough to draw blood. Already, I'm starting to feel a slight sense of freedom, like every drop of blood is a part of my soul slipping away.

"Goodbye, Draco," I whisper sadly.

"Mother, no!" You rush towards me, and snatch the knife from my hands, cutting yourself in the process. You toss it across the room, and are sitting opposite me. "Why, mother?" you ask, but I don't hear you.

"I deserve this," I mutter through my tears. You shake your head, stroking my hair from my face like you did twelve years ago. You've still got those looks, so innocent yet so frightened. "I couldn't protect you! I deserve to die!"

"Mother, you don't! You were always there for me after he'd hit me! You weren't too scared to shout at him!" you reason. I don't deserve this, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve this…

"I stopped coming to you because he'd threatened to hurt you if I didn't!" You're supporting my head now, wiping the tears away with your thumb (not poking me in the eye this time, I might add).

"I'm a terrible mother," I say thickly.

"I'm a terrible son," you smile. I laugh.

"Remember how we always used to say that-whenever you came to me? I'd always stop you crying, then start myself. I'd say I was a terrible mother, and you'd always say 'I'm a terrible son,". I remember. You smile again. "Draco, what are you doing back here? This is dangerous! The Dark Lord could be on your trail-"

"I don't care, mother. I'm turning myself in, I'm tired of running," you admit.

"What? Draco, they'll kill you!" I sob shrilly.

"Not the Death Eaters, mother!" you exclaim, laughing slightly. "I'm going to let the Ministry catch me! I'll be tried, and sent to Azkaban. I'll hate it, but at least I'd be safe." My previous words. Like mother, like son, I guess.

"It's still dangerous. What if the Dark Lord _is_ on your trail?"

"Don't you think I'd be dead by now if he was? He's not known for his subtlety." I smile, but am still fearful. "Oh, and, Mother?"

"Yes?"

"Happy Mother's Day," you smile. I gasp. You remembered! "I don't have a gift-"

"I don't care. I just can't believe you're here! I love you, Draco!"

"I love _you_, Mother! More than you love me."

"Not possible!" That's another thing we did. Whenever you came to me, I'd always say 'I love you', you'd say it back, and always add 'more than you love me'. That was such a sweet gesture. When I said 'not possible' you got upset again, thinking how terrible you were that you didn't love me as much as I loved you. You really were a sweet child, Draco.

We've gone into an embrace now, you on my lap, head buried in my shoulder, like we always used to.

"Well, isn't this just touching?" someone drawls. I look up, panic etching its way across my heart. I expect to see the nightmare-ish face of the Dark Lord, grinning down maliciously, but instead I see-Lucius. My husband who is supposedly in Azkaban.

"Lucius?" I whisper. You look up, too, a small smile stretching your lips. I think how this is perfect-my son and my husband being with me, like we used to.

But Lucius is frowning, and raises his wand. "Lucius?" I repeat fearfully.

"_Crucio_," he mutters lazily, flicking his wand. I shut my eyes, expecting the curse to hit, when I feel you squirm next to me.

"Draco? No! Lucius, what are you doing?" I'm shouting tearfully. He lifts the curse.

"Just my task. Because, I, Narcissa, unlike this bastard here, can complete my tasks!" He turns to you. "Say goodbye, Draco."

"No," I whisper, begging this to be a nightmare.

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

"_NO!_" I screech as you fall limp next to me. I'm clutching your hand, hoping and praying for a pulse. "Draco! Draco!" I'm crying, weeping rivers of tears, as the lightning flashes, revealing your lifeless form, the light gone from your silver eyes.

Lucius is smirking. I don't care. I knew I couldn't protect you. How could you have said those wonderful things to me, Draco? They were lies, I couldn't protect you! Oh, I love you so much, Draco!

Lucius is drawling again, but I don't hear. I'm numb.

He slaps me around the face. I look into his cold grey eyes. He's smirking again.

"Happy Mother's Day, Narcissa," he drawls. "I didn't get you a gift, but I'm sure you'll understand, considering..."

_Yes, I'm aware it is extremely evil (not to mention slightly out-of-season) but whatever, I was randomly depressed and felt like writing it…lolx! Please review!_


End file.
